Deathless

Originally released under the moniker, Automatic Pilot. After losing my father in 2001, I fell into a serious downward spiral and sought counseling as a result. It may be a cliché to say that writing this music saved me, but in this case, it couldn't be truer. I really had no choice but to save myself because I was all alone for the first time in my life. My mom had moved in with my sister, and my girlfriend/fiancee had left me. I was isolated and able to really dig deep into myself. "Deathless" is the heartrending result.

I wanted the listener to be engaged on a different level than before. I wasn't too concerned with melody and pop rock conventions. A couple songs were written on-the-spot without any prior conception in my mind of what they would become. I would just set up, sit in front of the mic, and let whatever happen happen. If a song wanted to be seven minutes long, then so be it. I wanted the guitars to convey what I was feeling for me instead of letting just the lyrics have jurisdiction.

"Purple Heart" is the centerpiece, whereas "What I Couldn't Be" could be one of my most emotionally naked songs that I have trouble performing now because it takes a lot out of me. It's hard to put into words what this record did for me and has meant to me, but it really is where I found my voice and came into my own... with no reservations. It's a very dark record to be certain given my fragile state at the time, but I still feel it's my crowning achievement.