It’s March Madness time.
And that means there are brackets for everything. Your favorite breakfast foods, Quentin Tarantino movies or animals you would least want to fight. So we’re changing it up. Sort of.
We’re handing out superlatives for all the mascots featured in the NCAA men’s and women’s tournaments.
Best dressed
Leprechaun (Notre Dame): He wears a suit and tie. Thanks for being the only one to dress up.
Best dancer
Cosmo (BYU): Just watch this clip.
Most athletic
Cosmo (BYU): This mascot is just ridiculous.
Best to bring home to your parents:
Mr. Commodore (Vanderbilt): Anyone who has been able to stick by Vandy football and basketball since the 1800s has to be loyal.
Best looking
Handsome Dan (Yale) This award would’ve gone to Miss Rev of Texas A&M if his name wasn’t “Handsome Dan," but it is. I don’t make the rules.
Most likely to steal your significant other
Bucky (Wisconsin): Did you know his full name is Buckingham Ulysses Badger. He comes from money. He’s prepared to wine and dine.
Class clown
Frankie the Friar (Saint Francis): When you look like that, you’ve got to be funny.
Most likely to be president
Truman the Tiger (Missouri): He’s named after 33rd president Harry S. Truman, who was a senator from Missouri. If we know anything about the presidency, America loves a junior.
Most likely to win a Royal Rumble
Triton (UC San Diego): The ocean is the most powerful thing on the planet. And Triton is a GOD of it.
Most likely to get a 1600 on the SAT
Big Al (Alabama): An elephant never forgets. I trust him the most to remember all those big SAT words.
Most likely to be a good boy/girl
All the live mascots: If you disagree, we can’t trust you.
Best nickname
Gael Force One (Saint Mary’s): Are you kidding? How did we not know this was the name beforehand? Saint Mary’s to the Final Four!
This isn’t a category but worst nickname goes to any program that has a live animal with a human name. Who names a dog “Jonathan”?
Most likely to rain on your parade
Johnny Thunderbird (St. John’s): The team is the St. John’s Red Storm. And their defense is unmerciful. It’s a rainy day for any offense who plays them. Just ask the Big East.
Most NSWF
Cocky (South Carolina): No explanation needed.
Cutest couple
Bruiser and Marigold (Baylor): This is so much better than a school like Florida, with Albert and Alberta. Real original. Or NC State with Mr. and Mrs. Wuf. Unique names go a long way.
Worst senioritis
Big Jay (Kansas): Kansas has been to the men’s tourney a record 35 straight seasons. They had a bad second half of the season and seem to have just mailed it in of late. Don’t be surprised if they’re bounced early.
Matt Liberman is a reporter and video producer for cllct, the premier company for collectible culture.